im having a threesome with these popsicles
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
