we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
