You're my little dorito
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
