I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
