he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
