Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Green mimosas i think yes
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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