you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
