I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
