lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
