So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
