how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
