I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
