no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
