That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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