it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
