I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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