dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
