You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
