Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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