WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize