I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
