Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
