Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
