CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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