Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
accomplished twins. life is a go
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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