It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
