I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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