I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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