i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
