i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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