Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
where are my eyebrows?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
