biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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