Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My ass is underappreciated
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
