3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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