I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
