my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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