We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
