I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
