i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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