Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
