Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
