Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
