Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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