your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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