Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
