i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
