I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She said her name was "party"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize