so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
