I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
