last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
