The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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