The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
