Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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