my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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