break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
3 2 1 whiskey
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
