A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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