theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize