its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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