Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
