I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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