I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
