would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
