I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
