you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
