there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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