I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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