Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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