I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize