not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
