Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You're like the curious george of whores
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
