I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I need moral support for this bender
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize