9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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