I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
