dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
