I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
