i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
