i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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