Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
