Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the day after is always just damage control
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
