I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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