if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize
