Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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