Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
