Don't you send me to vm
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
