I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think your dad took our porno
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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