There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
